Gender Parity: Let's get real a bit

"No o, oko mi, sit down, your sister will clear the table" or "No o, Jide, you shouldn't be doing that, it's a girl's duty" or "Jumoke! Why is your brother doing the dishes?" or "Amaka, is that how you'll be cooking in your husband's house?" or "Ah ah! Funke, you knew Akin won't sweep this place well, why didn't you sweep it?" or "Let all the women join us in the kitchen, while the men talk business." You know who's talking in all these instances? The mothers! And that's where it starts from. Personally, I don't see how we can close the gender gap faster before 135 years from now - as predicted by the World Economic Forum - if we don't handle gender parity from the root - the home!

The examples I mentioned above lead to what is called "Conditioning." That's the problem! We have attached roles to genders conditioning the thoughts of both sexes that this and this are expected of you. And you know who set most of the conditions? Our mothers!

At times, I look at the women who in public clamour for gender parity and in their homes they are the first to say "Ah, Yemi, don't worry, your sister will do this and that." Or "Daddy, please help us with the generator o, Sade cannot put it on." I'm sorry, but who says this and this are what you have to do as a girl or a boy? I believe we need to tackle this issue from the home. Let's raise our kids equally. You cannot expect a boy who grew up hearing "that's a girl's job" or "that's a boy's job" or "you're a man, boy's don't cry" or "is that how you'll be doing if you get to your husband's house?" - not to treat others that way when he gets outside. He has been conditioned to set roles for gender. The same goes for the girl. She has been conditioned to think there are some special tasks that can only be done by men. She has been conditioned to think this is her limit as a girl and 'this' is should be her area of expertise.

Let us raise children and train them to be able to do everything. I don't think talking from today till tomorrow alone will change anything or going on one feminism campaign or the other will lead to the change we want to see. I think we need to do! I think we need to start raising our children to give what they want to receive. And it's not just the mothers. Imagine a man who has lived all his life, being shaped by these conditions, he won't know any better. We're happy some men are becoming very conscious about the gender parity thing. That's good. The discomfort some conversations on gender bring to men is awesome! Some men always check "I hope I haven't sounded sexist or biased". Good! However, we are not fighting anyone. We are not saying "Hey, I'm a lady and I'm coming to push you out of the way." We are only saying "Let's all be human. Let's be civil. Let's respect each other. Let's not favour one gender just because of their gender."

This brings me to this: Because we're asking for gender parity and more women on the table does not mean we should just allow just any female on the table. The role of competence and brains can never be overemphasized! Someone said this: "Achieving a gender-balanced workspace does not mean we hire incompetent women!" Please, because people keep saying "the future is female" (which I don't agree with anyway, because the future is both male and female - we all need each other) does not mean you'll get that job just because of your pretty face and you ticked female as your gender in the form. If you work with me and you're incompetent and you don't know your art, I won't pat you on the back because you're a female or because I want to be seen supporting women. 

Like Uchenna Agbo, CEO TrustVas said "You're not going there to be a prop." By there she was referring to women in positions, workspaces, at the table.

"It's not about my pretty face, but my brain has to be qualified" - Abisoye Ajayi-Akinfolarin, Founder Pearls Africa (they teach young girls in slums how to code).

Don't think conversations about gender parity will open doors for you just because you're female yet incompetent and underqualified! Talking about qualifications, most women refuse to put themselves out there. You give an opportunity to 2 people - a male and a female and the female most likely would have found a billion reasons why she can't do it, even when she's obviously more qualified than the male. 

I trust the guys, they are ready! If they have just 2 out of the 10 requirements, they still go ahead and do it. But some ladies, though what they have is 7 out of the 10 requirements, they'll capitalize on the 3 deficient qualities and fold their arms.

Please, stop it! 

That kind of thing is called Impostor Syndrome.

In my words, this is when females:

1. Refuse to take credit for their success(es)

2. Refuse to take credit for being competent at their work

3. Refuse to see themselves as who they are even when everybody sees them as superstars

4. Find reasons to disqualify themselves even when they are obviously qualified

"May I not be found wanting, and even disqualify myself when I am more than capable!"

Oya, put your hands on your head 🙆🏾 and chant those words.

In conclusion, as parents (male and female) let's raise our children equally; as females, let's do our best to be the best in our fields; as males, let's do our best to be civil and give what we can take (same for females too) and as a society, let's not just flow with the tide of gender parity, encouraging incompetent females, let's indeed work towards making every available space gender equal as possible.